At FabKids, we know life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. In fact, sometimes “rainbow” takes on a whole new meaning for new moms, rainbow babies: the baby born after loss of a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or death in infancy. According to national statistics, twenty-five percent of women will miscarry, yet it continues to be a taboo topic. Without an outlet to talk about these struggles, many women feel alone in their struggles. We started talking about this as a team, and it turns out some of our very own team members have miscarried. Molly Bellar, VP of Marketing and Creative, shares:
“I had a miscarriage when we were trying for number 2. I couldn’t believe how intense the experience was and how alone I felt while going through it. Afterwards, as I shared my story with friends and family I was shocked to find out how common it was – and how many others I knew had gone through it.”
We believe it’s important to talk about things, even if it’s scary. When we heard our colleague Kira’s story from our sister brands we were moved by her experience and outlook. She kindly offered to share about her harrowing journey, and we hope this brings comfort to any of our FabMoms out there who may be facing an uphill battle with fertility.
Kira Cohen, Director of Public Relations for JustFab and ShoeDazzle, shares her personal story.
“We’re pregnant!!!!” I still can’t believe we got to say those words again. The number “2” has been a constant theme on our journey to baby #2.
We tried to get pregnant for 2 years.
I was in constant and excruciating pain for 2 weeks every month due to endometriosis and a complication unknown to us that resulted from my C-section.
I was told I had a 2% chance of ever successfully conceiving again.
I had 2 miscarriages.
I had 2 surgeries scheduled, 1 completed with the other on the books.
I was asked a minimum of 2 times every single month, “when is baby #2 coming?” It took everything not to scream back “BABY #2 CAME AND WENT, TWICE!”
After getting pregnant with my first child so fast, I never thought #2 or even #3 would be a problem. I thought the second we tried to conceive it would just happen. The biggest lesson over the past couple years has been to never assume anything. For example, just because someone doesn’t have kids, doesn’t mean they may not be trying desperately. And just because someone has one child, doesn’t mean they will be able to have two. I was a living, breathing example of this.
One in four women will suffer or have suffered a miscarriage, yet when you’re going through it you feel like you are completely alone. For the last two years I never understood why, but I continued to suffer in silence. It wasn’t until I announced this pregnancy to close friends and family very early on that I understood why so many women do exactly what I was doing keeping it “hush, hush”: because we are taught to not celebrate a positive pregnancy test, but rather, be wary of a negative end-result.
As I told a handful of people, all of whom knew I had miscarried before, I was surprised to be met with negativity.
“Let’s not jinx it!”
“We just won’t talk about it until a few months from now…”
“It’s still early, so let’s see what happens.”
“Weren’t you told you couldn’t get pregnant again? So this one may not stick?”
If you don’t know me, I’m not much of a crier. I actually rarely shed a tear. I shed more tears over the responses I got from people than I did in the entire two years I went through this struggle.
Why was I not allowed to be happy in the moment? Did these people really think I didn’t know what could happen? Like the thought of losing another baby didn’t keep me up at night? That knowing I was told I couldn’t get pregnant or carry a baby yet I was didn’t leave a lump in my throat and knot in my stomach all day every day not knowing if my baby would be okay, if I would be okay?
I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of it. I decided to ask my best friend why he was happy for me instead of being concerned and was met with “Because you are happy and this has been a long road, you deserve to feel some happiness.”
With that I changed the dialogue I had with the other people close to me and a message I want to pass along: please take the lead of the person confiding in you.
I wanted to stay positive. Feeling happy around the topic of pregnancy was a new feeling for me and one I was okay with feeling, even as I was just coping day-to-day. I had lived through years of sadness and pain around it, and they were feelings I knew I could go through again if I had to. But in the moment and if only for that day, I was happy and wanted to hold onto those feelings. I didn’t want to celebrate that feeling in three months, I wanted to celebrate it that day and every day after it. Today, tomorrow, in three months, in nine months. I wanted to celebrate the victory of getting to that day, and if tomorrow I couldn’t celebrate anymore I would have at least felt that joy for that moment after years of sadness.
My last 2 months, like my journey to pregnancy, have also had a constant theme of 2, but for the BEST reasons:
I’m currently entering my 2nd trimester…
…with my 2nd BOY.
Due December 2nd!
I have truly never felt happier in my life.
The cherry on top of all of this is my favorite actor from my FAVORITE show ever (Law and Order SVU) was kind enough to record a video for me to announce this this miracle baby. The video and my announcement from social media is below!
In a pregnancy announcement system, rainbow baby announcements are considered especially happy. In Los Angeles, the dedicated actor who made an announcement dream come true is a member of an elite squad known as the Christopher Meloni unit. This is our story: DUN DUN.